I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
