Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
