If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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