He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
