she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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