Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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