How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
