Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
