you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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