I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
