I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
