We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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