at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
