I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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