im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
