i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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