I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize