Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
