Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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