She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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