These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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