you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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