Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
