You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
