If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
