i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
