i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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