i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Girls should come with a carfax report
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
