I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
