420 ftw
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
