Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
