I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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