I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
