His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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