Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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