I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
