What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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