I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
