I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
