can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
