great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
