i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
