i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
