I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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