you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize