i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
