It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
