Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
