The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
