sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He? As in you personified your dick?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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