evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
