Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
