Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
