The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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