So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
