And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
