It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
