i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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