when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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