I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
