Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
