Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
