I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
