hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
