Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
