They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So much Jack, so little girl.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
