maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
