I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
