history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
