My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
