Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
