He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So many bounce houses so little time
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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